rust

Exam

2010-03-28T09:05:00.001-07:00

Stats Exam is near.. 1st April 2010.. 3 more days..

Start of 2010

2010-03-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone or anyone again,

Its been such a long time i last updated my blog. now in the lost dunno wat to write. lets update my life. i finally quit my Uni of Newcastle in year 2008. Then i join DSO National LAboratories in 2nd Feb 2009. i enrolled in PSB again UWA, Degree in Chemistry in Aug 2009. Finally i broke up with Christy. The inevitable had happened.

In late 2009, i know xiaoting better and evetually i became her bf. Before that, she was with her 11 years ex who is her malay music teacher since her secondary sch. How can a teacher be so unmoral to court his own students? Probably is becos of malays. I HATED MALAYS! Of cos 11 years of relationship is long.. and they had done it.

she told me she waited till she was 21 before she did it but whats the point? she had done oral well before she was 21.. i was being bothered by this issue for the past few weeks. i was very sad and emo and feel kinda sick to think of the things they done. in the beginning, i find that she is the one but now i'm pretty unsure.. can i really tolerate this for the rest of my life?

i wonder....

2008-01-23T05:52:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone oaone again...

23rd jan 08, wed, dizzling

Sorry for being absent from blogging for such a long time.. i was real bz lately and i'm not kidding..My dear's relatives came over to singapore last weeks to see doctor.. Over the weekends, we bought them to esplanade and sentosa.. Damn! thats was a brand new experience by bringing some foreigners who cant speak english and Bad mandarin.. The other thing is that i start to fantasize to be some rich people like them.. For less than 2 weeks, they can spend more than 13 grand in singapore.. Well, i would like to thank them for boasting the economy of singapore on behalf of all singaporeans.

i have to visit them everyday after school or before sch everyday.. haha. kinda of weird.. however, 2 of them finally went back home yesterday. was suppose to send them off but dear couldnt wake me up as usual.. haha. before u can blame me, pls understand.. have to wake up 4am leh.. well, still got 2 left behind becos their medical result not out yet.. which means i have to spend more time with them..

Next, i have 3 very impt decisions which i need the advise of everyone..
1st... my parents is urging me to go aussie to study.. dear is not giving any comments abt that.. advise pls.

2nd... dear told me to set up an engineering firm in myanmar.. she can somehow pull string there for me.. and its a profittable trade there.. the returns is tempting but have to leave singapore for a period of time.. pls advice!!

3rd... Valentine day is coming.. any ideas to surprise a girl?? URGENT!!

All advise is accepted via shoutbox, Sms, phonecall, email and msn.. All efforts will be appreciated!! thanks..

2007-12-31T12:09:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone or anyone

31st Dec 2007 mon

Last day of year 2007.. spend the last day alone waiting for dear to call me... eventually she called me around 5 pm.. chatted for awhile as usual.. haha.. then in the night, i send some greeting sms to my friends and those whom i consider as friends.. those who are friends had replied me while who didnt, means that they dun consider me as friends.. for all replys, there is one who is preculiar.. who is from xiu hui.. she "sounds" very depressed when i read the reply.. so i ask her out instead of staying at home thinking abt the past..

went to west coast and little did i realise that its crowded over there.. and when its 12 midnight, there is a little "fireworks" from the ships.. its a whole different feeling of countdown.. i recommend pple to go there and take a look niext year this time.. but those are not the main point.. Xiu hui dropped her tears for her ex.. which reminds me of the past too.. worse of all, her ex oso fell in love with other as well.. same reason, same excuses, same lies, same outcome and same pain inflicted.. i advise her how to get over this period of darkest moment of her life which is base on my own experience.. the best solution to get over it is to ENDURE or NUMB yourself.. thats is the only thing u can do.. all i can say is the world will keep turning even if ur partner has left u.. so lets hope that xiu hui will able to get over this darkest period of her life asap..

While i hope to be successful in everything in the coming year resolution.. i still need to look back in the past to see what are the major event happened in year 2007..

January - Decided to sell my beloved bike away before Chinese new year..

Febuary - Was transferred to S1 office from Training Centre.. From Training specialist to Admin Support Assistant (Chief Clerk) during NS.. downgraded from Pes A to Pes C2L9.

March & April- Slacking throughout and waiting for ORD. UNSW closed down and was searching for other uni

May - Obtained my class 3 license in first attempt & undergo another operation to remove the nail and pin in my thigh bone..

June - Bad Birthday, Long-waited ORD!!

July - Wan hua left me for other guy..

August - Freedom life ended as Uni life have started, got to noe elaine

Sept - Mugging, almost fell in love with laggy.

Oct - get to noe christy and evetually become my gf..

Nov - mugging, projects, report and exams..

Dec - dear went back home for holiday.. lonely christmas..

2007-12-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone..

25 Dec 2007, Tues

Wat a lonely christmas.. but at least many of my close and dist friends still rem me.. text me some heartwarming greetings.. Thanks guys.. spend the whole of christmas and eve itself at home.. went to jogging at night during christmas eve.. and at least dear called me oso.. i miss her so much..

Recently, chat with lixuan on msn and gossip abit and realise that xiuhui has broken up with her bf due to some reason.. and leejun came my house for a mahjong session along with laggy and glen.. got a shocking news that lily broke up with her 4 years long bf, yuwei too.. cannot believe it.. Damn! when ask abt the reason, she couldnt or didnt want to give a definite ans.. perhaps she has own reason.. most likely is they have reached their boring zone and cant get over it.. that reminds of the past too.. esp when i feel the pain on my femur during jogging.. still pain can recover in time, while some will last forever.. now i start to doubt my own judgement.. pple whom i tot their relationship would last but didnt..

Esp in this lonely christmas eve when all my family members went out for christmas celebration while me having no plans at all.. feeling was overwhelming me once more.. made went driving around singapore.. went to east coast again.. to the place where the accident happen.. i still cant believe within such a short span of a 1.5 years, things can change so much.. what a joke.. after tat, on the way back on AYE, made a turn to NUS.. recall the moment i went to fetch her every now and then.. damn! i even went to Qian hu.. though its close by the time i reach there.. its quite a long road.. i dun think i can walk such a long walk with her again.. some how i still think of her and the past.. so what.. she cant even rem who i am nor she will want to rem me again.. so i went home to spend a lonely christmas eve.. want to chat with someone but cant find anyone whom i can talk.. tried asking huiting but she was playing mj with her friends..

Luckily my dear called me in the night.. we chat for a while and cant bear to put down the phone.. after the chat, i lie down on the bed missing her and fall asleep.. Basically this is how i spend my whole christmas..

lonely christmas and i miss my dear..

dear grab me for a shot..

Dear want another one..

Ah bee, dear and Adrian bear before they went myanmar..

2007-12-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

hi everyone or anyone..

19th Dec 07, wed, raining..

I miss her so much.. dear didnt call me today.. wonder wat happen to her today? Lets hope she is fine and her parents dun give her anymore stress le.. Dear.. u have to endure..

i miss her deeply..

2007-12-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone or anyone again..

Today is 16 dec 2007 Sat. Rainy

Its been a long time i last blog seriously le.. hmmm.. lets start from most recent event. 15 dec Fri, i went to Dlb O with my poly classmates.. hmmm.. i dunno whether i'm too old for clubbing already anot.. kinda of feel board half way thru.. haha.. I'm an old man loh.. today went to karine's house for a mahjong session.. lady luck was average only.. won 4 bucks after hours for game.. haha.. well... at least i didnt lose..

Last wednesday 12 dec, i went to the myanmar embassy near tanglin mall to settle her visa.. however my silly dear left her study pass in photocopier insch after she zap a dublicate copy for the embassy. So no choice we have to head back to sch again to retreive her study pass. after that went to city hall for her air ticket. At night, we went to eat 田鸡粥 at geylang.. then its nicer than i expected.. went to dear's house to accompany her thru out the night becos she felt something not right in her room.. haha.. then on 13 dec, went back to myanmar embassy to collect her ready visa.. Damn. say me sua ku.. i nv been to any embassy before but i'm quite sure singapore embassy wun work this way.. haha.. no que, no que number and everyone is crowding at the counter trying to squeeze their way thru.. damn! its really an eye opener! then dear went to my house to bid farewell to my parents and esther.. then send her back to pack her bad and we set of to the airport. hai.. seeing her entering the gates makes me feel lonely.. the moment she step into the gate, i start to miss her le.. and she will be back around jan..

then even before that, both of us was having exams.. was very busy.. couldnt having time out to blog.. so ya.. basically this is wat happen from my exams period to now.. of cos there is certain things that i didnt reveal lah.. its confidential.. if i let u noe, i have to kill u.. haha..

小别胜新欢... i miss her..
Hi everyone or anyone again..

2007-12-04T03:28:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone or anyone again..

4th Dec 2007 Tues Clear..

Exams is finally over.. Freedom at last.. but it will not last for long.. SAD!! The End of something is the beginning of another.. I will be spending the last of any precious time with dear before she go home.. will be separated for a month... Good luck to ur exams dear..

Anyway.. went to CGH today for my medical Review once AGAIN.. Damn!! Took me 1.5 hrs to reach there.. doctor ask a few standard qn AGAIN then ask me to leave le.. the WHOLE consultation process last less Then 1 min.. took me another 1 hour to go home.. total 2.5 hrs wasted just for that bloody 1 min.. WTF!! What logic is that? Worse of all, this coming fri still need to go mount alvernia to do another review.. Damn!! who is free to accompany go??? ARGGGH.......

the end is just another beginning..

2007-11-15T02:36:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

15th Nov 2007, thurs, cloudy

First of all, i would like to apologise to everyone for not able to update my blog due to my heavy workload.. 2 tests and final project in 2 weeks.. Who can handle it? whaha.. well.. my physic test didnt fare well.. especially the nuclear physic.. didnt manage to ans it.. Special relativity is a difficult topic where i manage to ans it but pluck the wrong value.. in the end all wrong.. can only score well in thermodynamics which is same in my poly subjects..

For computer enginneering, think i've done well for it.. manage to finish my paper and made a few mistake.. for the lab oso score well.. aiming for my first distinction in my life!

Though i'm attached right now with dear.. i will nv forget who had lent a helping hand to me and who had hurt me to the core.. i'm grateful to those who console me and help me walk thru my darkest period of my life.. without these good friends, there would be a Adrian Yang now.. Esp gary and viking, they are my best buddy of life.. plus lots more which includes Samuel(师父), Diwei, Karine(laggy), Leejun(blur sotong), lixuan, xiuhui, quirong, daniel, steve, boon, michael, Pj, xiao ting, Hui Ting, Anika( though she always tell me to lax lah!!), Ming Hui and Jecks Sees.. These people whom i mentioned is 有恩于我, i will do anything to repay them.. thanks alot guys..

While those who i mention above is true friends, some are just Liar, Hypocrite, Cheater and Betrayer!! all this narrow down to 1 person who i once loved for, cared for and hurt for.. she is the first person whom i really love for but in the end, i lost to donuts and some stupid anti-virus.. Crap.. well, she told me before she wun be think of BGR until she graduate.. but right now its not even the end of a semester and she is in tats guys' arm.. tell me if i'm wrong.. a guy manage to break up others' relationship and eventually be together with the girl after the couple break-up. Is this guy call a 3rd party or the gal cant be trusted? in anyway, they chose their own destiny, i'm not that evil to curse them neither i'm that generous to bless them.. so ya..

anyway, i had my dear already, so i wouldnt be bothered by those *男女.. as long i love my dear, she love me can le.. all other things doesnt matter to me..

Love or Betrayal is just a thin line in between..

2007-10-28T08:15:00.000-07:00

mnHi everyone or anyone...

28th Oct 2007, Sun

SOrry for not able to update my blog since the last century.. Damn.. I've been plagued by the connection problem..after a series of testing then i realise its the adapter of the modem that is faulty.. Damn.. But its back online now.. so no issue..

Hmm.. Cant rem what really happen the last few days ba.. Schooling, Dating, studying and slacking usual ba. Yest went for the halloween party at SP organise by OVERSEA Student Association.. Hmm.. becos my dear is in that committee and that was her event.. so i go to give her face lor.. haha.. inside really rojak.. Got china-men&woman, indian the blacks, nigerian the blacker, thai the pussy, burmese the noisy, indonesian the muds and singaporean the STONER (me & gabriel).. Damn. i didnt put on my make up cos i feel i'm too OLD to do all that.. Damn.. actually i was enjoying myself with the foods and the babes around.. then dear told me i need to go for an interview from tourism board!?! Thats when the sparks came in..

First of all, i lost all the confidence in myself..so how can i able to speak in front of pple/camera.. then she keep consoling me that its gonna be fine.. 1 thing is i hate the feeling of being disrespected.. how can she submit my name before asking for my approval? 2nd thing, i dun wan to be interviewed infront of the camera.. Back in army days, i had no problem teaching in front of a company. then i realise my past relationship not only took away my heart and also my confidence.. think of it, whatever i do nowadays i will keep a "backdoor" for myself. I tot its for protection but little do i realise its the fear of failure that instigate my such a low confidence action.. Really lose too much in the past le.. anyway, 3rd point is i dun want make dear 难做 so i agree for the interview.. but dear see me in such a tense manner and she managed to pull me out from the interview.. Thanks heaven!!

After the halloween party, then went to her house since she is tired.. she cook noodle for me which i find it very nice.. dun think anyone has put in such an effort just to cook instant noodle for me.. TOuchED!! I'm enjoying.. so Dun last this ends please!!

Christy Wai Hnin Phyu, Thats how she melt my heart....

2007-10-18T06:32:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

18th Oct 2007, Thurs, cloudy

God Damn it!! Couldnt blog yest due to the damn internet connection. I got so much things to blog yet can blog.. now wan to blog but forgotten liao.

Let start from yesterday.. went to vivo yest with her for almost the whole day.. actually wan to meet her at her place first then go together 1 but she insisted she go alone.. its becos she went to there earlier to get me a new wallet.. so touched! its been a long time did i feel touched le.. so i immediately change my new wallet.. i let her handle my old 1 but i thnk she threw it away secretly ba cos i didnt see it when she went toilet.. haha.. she is so cute isnt it? then went to watch 色戒.. OMG! Its worse than what the critics say.. Its artistic(boring), long (lo so) and there isnt any sex scene which they claim there is! So what do u look out for in the movie? Hmmm.. Count the incredible amount of pple walking to and fro to the toilet. Damn!

Went for a lunch in a resturant that the amt of staff is double the patrons.. Damn! Food is horrible and expensive.. will not go back again.. and the dinner is all-time fav --> kolo mee.. Yeah! Last time i ate that is with.. nvm.. their standard is still the same! Good! Took a photo at vivo

Then travel to bugis, wanted to take neo photo but in the end, its under renovation! Spoil the day.. Damn! so send her home lor.. and we settle down at the park nearby her house ba.. something bad happen.. she saw my past sms which i saved in the past.. hmm.. She is pretended nth has happen.. but in the end, she called me later in the night so clarified the matter.. so i told her its all in the past and deleted all the past sms le.. console her till 3 am i think.. before i sleep.. thats y cant wake up today for the maths lesson..

Last bet on love!

2007-10-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

13th Oct 2007, Sat, Cloudy.. 4pm,

its been 5 days since i last blog.. its not becos i have nth to blog, is becos i dunno wat i was thinking was true for me to blog.. this few days met up with christy for quite a no of times.. in the mac, in sch for lunch and watch movie..

last night, we went to watch resident evil.. average show with lots of high tech equipment which i dun like.. then was like very boring to see them talking.. almost fell asleep.. think she is the one who kept me awake ba. y? its becos she keep screaming and held my arms very tightly.. Ouch! Painful not becos of her strength, its becos of her fingernail.. Damn! haha..

Think she could be the one that show me the light in my own world of darkness.. she could be the one who made myself to believe in hope.. and most probably she is the one who bring life into my life.. the worrying thing is that good thing dun last.. i cant afford to fall for a second time.. or even if i'm destined to fall again again, at least me recover from the past injuries before falling again.. well.. let natural take its course ba.. 走一步,看一步..

If it's a dream, then dun wake me up..

2007-10-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is 8 oct 2007, Mon, Dizzle

Got back my elect quiz paper.. 73/100.. haha.. happy but not so happy though.. happy is becos i got the highest in the singaporean circle but not so happy becos compare to the foreigners, there is a big gaps between us.. haha.. so i'm not so satisfied with the grade afterall..

after i reach home, receive a sms from christy.. well.. she asked me out to p.s.. had dinner together.. during the dinner, we chat quite abit but majority i was listening to her.. haha.. she is 20 this years and her life experience is so much more than any singaporean youth.. very surprise.. then had a movie "shoot'em up" at cineleisure.. ha.. she rest her head on my shoulder and somehow, we held hands together even though its was the first outing with her.. hmmm.. this feeling is familiar yet very strange.. cant explain y is it so.. i wonder am i attracted to her or not. somehow i feel that christy is interested in me.. haha.. thick skin huh? haha..

After the movie, had a drink nearby and carried on with the chatting.. get to noe more abt her and stuff.. haha.. she made a star made of the straw for me.. well.. dunno what should i say... if she is interested in me, she must be blind.. if she is not interested in me, think i'm over-sensitive bah.. haha..

"shoot'em up" is a R(A) film, not suitable for opposite sex friends..

2007-10-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

7th Oct 2007, Sun, Cloudy

Hi everyone or anyone...

last blog was dated on thurs.. nth much to blog since thurs so i will summarise everything today.. Fri was having my elect presentation on my project and Dr aparna comment that i noe my stuff well and all i need to do is work on it on the softcopy.. so probably i will get high marks for it.. wells hope everything turn out as i wish ba..

Aftermy pract, meet up with poly classmates.. long nv time nv meet them le... feeling is still the same, bond is still the same, everything is still the same.. haha.. but then i regret nv spend more time talking with karine and stuff... wanted to talk to her but somehow i'm lacking of the courage or i dunno y.. perhaps i'm just afraid i was branded as a 3rd party..

so i left early with sherline to mj with her friends.. last mj session was with my family 7 weeks ago.. haha.. damn.. starting was on the losing ends.. i was the only one that didnt game but after the first break, my luck was starting to change.. from a losing end, it turns out to be the winning spree.. haha.. i was the only winner in the end of the game.. however i dun think that winning is worth my precious hours of sleep.. and i prove 1 thing which is 情场矢意, 赌场德意.. i haven't lose a game since i broken off in the previous relationship..

Sat was boring day.. morning went to bishan to pay respect to my grandma.. the place where her urn was installed.. not very used to the feeling of visiting her cos grandma and us visited grandpa. Right now, we are visiting her instead.. the feeling is weird.. think i will think some time to get used to it.. here is the pic of my granma sleeping few months ago..

Ashes to ashes, Dusts to dusts.. All is gone...

2007-10-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

十月三号,星期三..晴!

今天有人问我是爱一个人还是恨个人比交难? 我想是爱一个人很难, 恨一个人更难,而要忘记一个自己曾经爱过,也曾经恨过的人才是难上加难! 爱一个人必须付出无限的牺牲, 恨一个人要时时刻刻的记住那个人的坏.. 最痛苦的是想爱却不能爱,想恨却记起那个人的好..而这个人在你心里的地位是无法被人取代 ..

other than that, yesterday had my physic quiz.. For the first time in my life, i will be getting a ZERO for a quiz.. Damn! There goes my first class honours.. Damn! after sch, send some sms to karine.. she is the most 特别的gal i ever seen.. Why? Reason is i nv seen a person who will qn you when u send her a greeting sms.. haha.. perhaps she is a very simple lady i met ba...

忘记你我做不到...

2007-10-02T08:58:00.000-07:00

And They Were All Lies

I couldn’t ignore the pain any longer

Life was just too much

I never saw my life in future times

Or happiness and love and such

I’d been to the edge with the intent to jump

And had become happy with thoughts of no pain

Feeling my uselessness as an inherited curse

I had nothing left to gain

The sun failed to shine

In my world overcast

Birds no longer sang

And the first had become the last

All things good and whole

Had turned and went their way

They were never to return to me

So I felt I should just go away

Consumption by hate, to save was too late

Where should I turn now?

Why do I get kicked when I’m down?

When could I be happy? Or even better, how?

Routinely I cried

For a hand to reach to me

I looked blankly at emptiness’ stare

And closed my eyes reluctantly

Tired of times we spend together

Tired of me you grow

Tired of being tired in time

No feelings will you show

But in time as your thoughts are even

Will I be thought of only as your pawn

And will you be happy or sad

When I’m finally gone?

2007-10-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

1st Oct 2007, Mon, Clear

My Grandma is cremated today.. For the past 4 days, no one in the wake is feeling sad cos everyone is like happily chatting away.. But for today when the monk bring us for the last round to see grandma, there is sudden solemn and saddness overwhelmeing the atmosphere.. Tears started to flow down naturally in everyone eyes..perhaps we noe we are walking towards the end of road with grandma.. out of sudden, images of grandma keep appearing in my eyes.. i Started to recall the days we spend together, like the way she took care of me when i was young. the Annoying things she done in the past was so sweet now.

We reached Mandai Crematorium at 10.30 and after rounds of chanting and prayers.. Grandma is being pushed into the Crematorium. Everyone is crying out to call our grandma to take care and enjoy her afterlife.. All out of sudden, everyone doesnt bear to see grandma leave us. After 21 years of seperation, my grandparents has finally reunited..

Year 2007 is definitely not a good year for me.. within a short span of time, i experience twice extreme saddness.. I broke my own promise! i Said that i will be strong and will not shed another tears for any woman in my life again. Its grandma's death who made me broke my own promise. I'm grateful to those turn up for my grandma wake and i appreciate the concern for those who is unable to turn up. Thanks everyone...

Ah Mah, Pls take care of urself ..
好好照顾自己. 下辈子,我还要再做你的孙子..

2007-09-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone..

Today is Friday, 28th sept 2007, Clear and windy

Went for the Elect quiz this afternoon.. though the paper was relatively easy but did quite a no of mistake.. so i think i wun fail but neither will i score. ha..

went straight to the wake after my lesson, now then i realise my family is so big that i didnt even noe i had a 50 plus (2 years younger than my dad) cousin till today.. Saw alot of strangers and yet they were wearing the 孝服.. They are old enuff to be my father and yet they put on the same colour tag i was wearing.. and all the aunties and uncle appear from no where at the wake.. even my mother dunno some of them, think they really disappear for more than 23 years.. haha.. i wonder who are they?

Tired, shagged and worn-out

2007-09-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hi... everyone and anyone..

Today is Thurs, 27th Sept, Raining

My grandma is finally gone.. All her suffering ends her.. Hope u can meet up with my grandpa together.. afterall they were seperated for more than 20 years.. She went peacefully 3 am this morning.. mum came into my room and make a fuss.. she told me grandma pass away le, at first i tot she was joking.. till when i was going back home after sch then she called me to go to clementi instead.. then i realise she isnt kidding with me..

Went to the wake immediately and realise majority of the pple is not there yet.. and the pple is like a gathering.. no one feel sad or something like tat.. their smiles is hanging on ur faces.. cant blame them.. after all we are suppose to celebrate cos grandma reach the age of 99. some more she can stop all her suffering.. just hope she can go happily.. Take care ah mah..

So 2 of my dearest have left me.. Who is next?

2007-09-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone..

Today is Tues 25th Sept 07, clear day..

This afternoon saw elaine around at the library.. Tot of giving her the present.. but somehow my fear is pulling me back.. i tried calling her but think she didnt hear the phone or its set to silence.. so gave up the idea of giving it to her today.. to think i chicken out last min.. i wonder y.. she sms me afterwards when i was in that dreadful lecture.. exchange a few sms and we agreed to meet on thurs to give her the present and she oso invite me to her birthday party.. but i'm not able to make it..

today is a peaceful day..No News means Good News, For my situation now is nth but anxiety.. i'm afraid to pick up call from my parents.. cos it might mean that grandma is gone.. went to see her just now again.. wondered wat happen, her 气色 is getting better.. it could mean 2 things --> 1) she might recover. 2) its a 回光反照.. I rather her go now than to drag it on.. seeing her so persistance to live on really impress me, compared to me.. ha.

Other than this, everything is fine from the start of the day till when we are reaching home.. damn.. sis insisted to drive everyone back home.. everything was fine until she is trying to park her vehicle.. suddenly the car accelerated so quickly the butt hit the wall.. i had a knock on the head.. damn.. she claim she step the wrong pedal.. wtf? doesnt mean to cristise her driving but i seriously wondered how did the TP pass her? Parents is damn piss off with her and she is oso damn piss off too.. everyone is pissing everyone to care abt my head.. dun think its serious ba.. but it may sounds good to go bonkers!! whaha.. by the way, the moon is beautiful tonight but its a shame to enjoy it Alone..

Car accident, Head Butt and Bonkers!!

Grandma

2007-09-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone..

Today is Mon 24th Sept 07, Drizzling

This afternoon my dad called me 15 min before my elect lecture ends, i knew something is not right but i hesitated before receiving the call.. i dunno y i hesitated perhaps i'm afraid to hear the bad news.. i called back right after my lecture and my dad told me grandma might not able to make it thru today.. Cos the doc is quite sure its either today or tmr..The doc had remove her drip due to her water retention in her limbs which means she will probably pass away due to hunger or thirst in the next few hours.. I had alot of tots when i see her suffering..

First, Though she lost her strength to fight the disease but she never lost her will and faith to press on.. Rem 2 years ago, she was in a situation where she kept shouting for names that we nv heard of and she couldnt hear what we said either.. the doc expect her to live for another month, in the end she recover and could stand on her own.. Now, she is just lie down there motionlessly similarly to a vegetable without food and drink for the past 3 days, Still grasping for air.. Though she is my grandma, its a shame that i did not inherit the kind of will she have. I'm not fit to be her grand son..

Secondly, she has been lying on the bed for the past fews day without moving much or did not even move for the whole day.. Let's not mention abt the hunger and thirst first, sleeping on the bed without moving ur limbs and body for few hours is enough for u to develop muscle wastage and bedsore respectively.. i can understand her sufferings though she is not conscious becos I'm experienced in both problem in the past. Back in the hospitalise period, though its painful, there is always someone there to love, care, concern, visit and talk to u.. its the sweetest moment of my life.

Thirdly, Those so-call relative who appear only during new year, grandma's birthday and 清明节 came.. Previously, when the doc discharge her from the hospital, some of them who nv take care of her before refuse to pay the fee for the old folks home but they oso refuse to let her stay at their house.. what sort of 'filial' sons she have.. in the past, they nv visited grandma before when she is fine.. now, when she is abt to go, they all appeared.. Is human being all the same? When u are about to lose someone or already lost someone, then u start to care and cherish the moment with them? Is that generally a human character or is it my family's inherit genes? Can anyone tell me?

She left me, Ah Mah is leaving too.. Everyone is leaving me..Why?

Tell me why

2007-09-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is 20th sept, Fri, Clear sky..

This afternoon went for elect tutorial at henderson campus.. while on the way to sch, steve and i saw a Tp stopped a Subaru WRX by the bus stop.. At first we tot the subaru was speeding but when the TP ask the driver to step out of the vehicle then we realise it wasnt the case.. The driver is a hot lady with a mini skirt.. DAmn.. think the tp is trying to be funny.. haha.. Think tp oso has their own advantage over ladies..

After my lesson, i went to Alexandar hospital to visit my grandma.. She is admitted to the hospital once again.. Damn.. this time round, its more serious than the previous time.. She is suspected having liver cancer.. the stomach is so bloated that her belly button is hardly seen.. Talk to grandma just now but she is sort of pissed off.. think is becasuse the doc has given her morphine and she is feeling sleepy so when we keep talking to her which irritates her quite abit. In the past, she loves when pple visit her but today is totally opposite. Doc estimate she only have a few days left which i personally dun believe! Alexandar hospital's doctor cant be trusted but i guess her time is almost up le ba.. she is already 99 years so i guess leting her go is a better relief for her instead of sending her to chemo.. think she suffer in more.. hai.. this year is definitely not a good year for me though i ORDed. 2 of my closest person left me or going to leave me.. once again, i will experience sadness again..

After the trip to hospital, meet gary and viking at IMM for a bowling spree again.. surprisingly saw Melvin, my upper study in NS.. he hasn't change abit except for his hair ba.. then went to chervon to bowl again.. However the mood and my physical conditon is not at the tip top condition because my ASS hurts. I dunno y it hurts so much when i bowl.. trying to bear with the pain throughout the game but think it affect my mood and my result of the game.. disappointing game though i hit a personal best score within this few years. disappointing game and disppointing day and a disappointing life..

Btw, i got my student card already.. Damn disappointed with PSB.. i got my student card only after 4 weeks of study.. Total Crap shit.. and worse of all, it look TERRIBLE!! A long awaited piece of shit. hai.. i wonder what can bring me hope once more??

Disapointed with everything!

Hatred

2007-09-19T05:07:00.000-07:00

Today is 19/09/07 Wed, clear sky

Today i had lab practical in henderson campus.. This is the first time we manage to finish our lab report in time but still, Feeling damn tired, low, demoralise, emo and damn depress.. perhaps due to lack of sleep last night.. i chat with wan hua last night or perhaps i should say i chat with myself.. ironically, i dun feel hurt anymore because i noe i'm already too hurt to further hurt myself.. I'm on the brink of collaspe.

Last night i was feeling damn low.. all the negative thought running thru my brain..feel like killing someone or killing myself, ran over by a car or simply just jump down.. felt liking chatting with someone who can open myself up.. Naturally i tot of wan hua.. but hesitate awhile before i sms her.. i didnt noe how to start the conversation so i just ask her abt the accident case. not long, we chat awhile which still led to a 1-sided quarrel.. at first she tried to console me but i felt more agitated when she tried to console me.. then she tried reverse pyschology on me but apparantly it doesnt work well on me.. which led me feel more agitated.. so i keep typing on the msn but obviously she is NOT looking at it.. well.. its ok for me le.. anyway i cant demand anything from her anyway.

Just abt when i reached home, i meet up with gary.. He told me things happen on dan xian birthday.. they were talking abt me and wan hua obviously but i dun mind.. he told me wan hua ask if i were there before she go and left hastily. they tot the reasons for her asking is because she wan to show off her darling to me ba.. but i dun think this is the case.. she tried so hard to protect him from me, so its not possible for her to bring him there to show off to me.. and there is no point to put "not showing it doesnt mean not feeling it" in your msn and "Confused..Its been a long time since i laughed" in the friendster.. are u trying to tell others u are the victim? Ur actions is clear, everyone has eyes to see.. u cannot fool others by writing all these. When u are chatting with him, ur face is covered with smile.. oh pls! stop being so fake.. u are not showing it doesnt mean u not feeling it? Yes.. True for some part but when was the last time u are feeling it? If u are feeling the pain so often, would u still able to go out with a guy whom intention is clear to woo u and watch movie with him? If u are feeling it, y i didnt receive a single call or sms or even msn initated by u? If u really care abt my feeling, u wouldnt have chat with him thru out the night in front of everyone during the night of chalet..

U claim that i lived in a sheltered environment and was too pampered.. u noe u are like a 井底之蛙, thinking u are very experience in life.. u just have a few months temporary job working experience, and u think u had suffered enuff.. even a few months, u cannot even control ur own feeling falling in love with someone u hardly noe for 3 months.. and u dare to claim that others is living in a sheltered environement? wan hua, If u are reading these, u really got to do some reflection on urself.. yes, i was wrong in the past but i've done my reflection.. thats doesnt mean u are always right! whatever u do, u can't just give a reason and think u can simply get off with it? Dun be naive le! U really have to do reflection on urself and grow up! thats all i wan to say..

Thirsty, tired and emo..

Total Failure

2007-09-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone again..

Today is 17th sept 2007.. Clear sky.. Today is such a disappointing day.. Spoil my mood for the whole day.. first of all, couldnt wake up in the morning, so skip the maths lecture.. then intend to meet elaine for lunch but she is feeling unwell so didnt meet up for lunch.. but in the afternoon saw her back in sch.. She looked unwell, hagged and tired.. went up to talk to her, asking her if she is alrite anot but she look at me, gave me a unwilling smile and turn and walk away.. i was like stunt? what did i done that offend her or does she have any problem before coming to sch? i dunno.. so ya..

Afternoon lecture couldnt concentrate again.. i just keep my mind straight.. CAnt focus on anything.. my mind is in a whirl then or even now.. is it becos of elaine treatment to me or is it becos i talk to her last night? Damn.. i think i'm a total failure.. i dun recall any achievement i done for the past 23 years.. No Qualification, No Intelliegence, No Career, No money, No car, No House, No Look, No Shape, No style and No Character. Even my loved one left me for others.. i've have been living in vain for the past 23 years.. i wondered whether can i give my family the things they need in the future? Will i be a good husband? Will i be a good Father? I'm starting to doubt my own abilities..

In the evening, i sms elaine to ask her if i had done something wrong that offended her in the afternoon.. and she told me she dun feel like talking and wanna be alone.. the most devastating part is she added that her sms for this month has already overshot, so trying to sms lesser and hope that i dun mind if she dont reply sometimes.. Sian.. What does this mean? Think is quite obvious isnt it? i simply dun understand.. is my expectation very high or wat? things just dun go as what it seems.. just like my past relationship.. all along its fine and suddenly just break off like this.. and elaine case.. We are all along proceeding well.. pretty good when going out for lunch.. and suddenly she become like tat.. Very messy nowaday.. I just want to led a very simple and normal life.. Is that so difficult? or issit becos the singaporean ladies has too high expectation?
I'm starting to believe i'm 命犯孤星，孤独中老! Pple often hope time can slow down or reverse but now i want time to go faster so i can move on to my next life.. I'm sick and tired of this Cursed and Bloody life.. Damn.. lets hope my next life wun be the same as this ba.. or else..

I live in a Cursed, Cruel and Cold world!!

2007-09-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

Thats me!

Long Day..

2007-09-14T14:03:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is 15th sept but but i'm blogging abt 14th sept. Starts off with steve late in the morning, and causing us almost late for our lab.. Then the lab lecture is a an asshole.. made us do and finish our lab report before the lab session ends.. Didnt manage to rush thru the lab report. After lesson, went to tiong bahru wait for gary to reach..the funny thing is we settle to meet in the first cabin towards city hall. when he reach le, i just hop onto the train but i was in the daze just now and i board the first cabin of the train GOING BACK HOME!! haha.. then alight to meet gary at outram park.. haha.. blur cock!

Reach somerset and had our dinner at yoshinoya then scout for his bag first then my presents... he didnt buy the bag he fancy in the end but i bought the present for elaine.. Its a bracelet from moshi moshi.. The place i bought the ring in the past.. and i realise that the ring is still for sale.. i'm very sure its the ring that i bought.. had the urge to buy it and curved it again.. but think gary has a point--> WHAT FOR? Ya.. he is right what for i buy the ring again? Foolish me think of the past again.. Damn.. then Gary decide not to go work and CHAO KENG mc and go bowling together with Viking.. though i won 3 games out of the 4 but my total points still lose to gary.. Damn.. Uploaded the videos to let everyone take a look..

After bowling, we went to west coast park to eat supper.. then go west coast park to talk cock but i saw this car from intial D,

then i Popped cigarettes into my mouth again.. DAmn.. haha.. after that in the car when going back home, i keep disturbing Viking while he drive.. just like a kid.. haha. and reach home at 4am in the morning, which is now.. haha. and i'm feeling sleepy le.. hope i dun miss out any details.. think its the most enjoyable night for me since dunno when..

Enjoyed, Satisfied and tired...

Present

2007-09-13T09:45:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone again....

Today is 13th Sept 2007 Thurs, Clear blue day... Went for the Maths lecture as usual but with a more relaxed heart because of the exemption.. haha.. but i still stay awake throughout the lecture to listen.. whaha.. because i STILL have a MATHS module NEXT trimester.. Shit, Damn, $@$@^.

During my lesson, jialing sms me a chinese sms which say this.. 测试你的情感。下列选项你喜欢哪个？ 1）清晨细雨琳淋
2）中午阳光灿烂
3）傍晚红霞满天
4）夜晚满天繁星
5）深夜银月圆圆
My ans is 1.. dunno how true it is.. haha send to a couple of person only.. Wan hua ans 4.. karine ans 1 and elaine ans 1&4. haha.. so if this is accurate, basically elaine is the combo of the 2 ar?.. haha.. kidding

After my lesson, went to IMM with daniel to scout for my present for elaine and he is looking for his new phone.. walk the whole of IMM but still cannot find a suitable present for elaine.. Well.. i will be meeting GAry tmr at jurong point to carry on scout for present.. come to that, suddenly i find that all my friends is starting to meet me once i alone.. are they piting me now or did i reject to meet them in the past too often? I dunno.. I only noe my schedule are packed.. Tmr meeting Gary, Sat meeting classmate for project and Pj for dinner then sun meet weilin for dinner to pass her the collar badge i bought it long ago.. Mon meeting Elaine for lunch and cant rem whats on tues le.. i will go check it out and blog on tues again..

Lab Report, Exempted Modules & MATHS

Stupid me

2007-09-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is 12 Sept 2007, Clear day.. Yesterday then i realise something very stupid.. which is i've been wasting my time going to a few module lecture and tutorial which i'm exempted.. Damn.. which is maths and (Geng)intro to engineering.. Think i'll carry on with the maths but will drop my Geng instead..

After my Geng lecture today at Henderson campus, went to lunch with Edric and daniel at the nearbt market.. Chatted quite awhile but smoke alot.. Popping one after another.. Damn! I had already quitted even before i ord on 9th june but ever since the saga started, the habit came back again.. In the past, i can find alot of reasons and motivation to quit but now i dun see any reasons that i should stop. Cigarette will make me forget the things that should be forgotten and rem things that should be remembered!

After the lunch, went back to tiong bahru to scout for present. Its a big headache when comes to choose a presentable present. So can anyone give me any advise on what should i buy? then the next birthday is hers but dun think she is looking forward for my present anyway. There will be the bastard to celebrate for her.. so giving her a present is making myself more miserable..she might even throw my present away.. so y waste money rite?? after tat is karine birthday.. Even more headache.. dun even noe what she like..probably i'll give a ms dos computer.. that suit her alot.. haha.. think i going to test her out one of this day..

Unhealthy, Headache, Dreaming....

2007-09-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

Pls turn off the sound.. its distracting!

Extraordinary day

2007-09-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

hi everyone or anyone again..

Today is 10th sept 2007.. Slight rain in the day.. Went to sch as usual with the slight rain pouring.. then took the math quiz.. total disaster! couldnt do any of the qn.. Damn.. Probably is due to the lack of practise.. i think i have to work harder in my maths..

Had lunch at tiong bahru plaza today with elaine alone.. Cristina is not here today.. and the best thing is raining.. well.. elaine took out her pretty small umbrella and i share it with her.. well.. if we are a couple, it might be quite romantic but we are not.. so i felt awkward.. guess that she felt the same as me ba.. haha.. then we chat quite alot during lunch.. noe her 21st birthday is just round the corner.. got to noe more abt her..i guess she is those very indoor girl who doesnt like sun or sports.. But i feel comfortable when i was with her.. then i ask her out for a movie but think our time table doesnt match and her project dateline is round the corner too.. so the proposal was rejected.

After sch, went to jeck sees mother wake.. the Feeling is awkward again.. the path that i walk on is so familiar and yet so 默生to me.. Used to walk that path everyday few years ago.. and now i'm walking it for a different purpose.. I can still rem a few years back, i went to jeck sees house to meet her mother and her aunt.. Its her mother who wake my idea up.. its her who set me to think what i want in life. and now she is lying there motionlessly.. Felt very sad for jeck sees and her mother.. I just cant describe it with mere words.. And js is a very strong woman, she is able to keep her cool till the service starts.. To think if i were her, i will not be able to take the depression..

And not forgetting the other things.. Suppose to meet karine at the wake but was late half and hour. Felt so happy to see her and at the same time, i wasnt suppose to be happy. actually i felt quite honour when shwu zhen told karine that she can leave le since adrian is her.. hehe.. Sounds like she is waiting for me.. honour rite? whaha.. its all gary fault. if he didnt arrive so late, i would have leave with karine for dinner.. i miss the chance once again.. haha.. but ok lah.. he repay me with a sumptous dinner also.. wonder when can i see karine again soon???

Happy, Awkward and sad in the same day..

一路向北

2007-09-07T09:10:00.001-07:00

A song that describe my feeling when i'm driving..

后视镜里的世界越来越远的道别你转身向背侧脸还是很美我用眼光去追竟听见你的泪在车窗外面排徊是我错失的机会你站的方位跟我中间隔着泪街景一直在后退你的崩溃在窗外零碎我一路向北离开有你的季节你说你好累已无法再爱上谁风在山路吹过往的画面全都是我不对细数惭愧我伤你几回我一路向北离开有你的季节方向盘周围回转着我的后悔我加速超越却甩不掉紧紧跟随的伤悲细数惭愧我伤你几回停止狼狈就让错纯粹

2007-09-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

A video for everyone

MAD!

2007-09-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

Hi.. Everyone.. (For karine sake)

Today is 6 Sept Thurs.. send karine home after her KTV night.. well.. its becos i'm free to do so.. Other than that i have nth much to blog about.. oh ya..Got my result for the first maths quiz.. 1/4.. cool isnt it? DAmn.. Study so hard for it and end up got such a fantastic result.. haha.. then the maths lecture is Horrible.. Let me talk like and mathematician..

A human brain is a very complex set of numbers while The function of my brain cells is the power of negative. and the workload is an exponential functions that expand without bound. While the time is always the constant. Thus as time pass each day, the workload will goes into infinite or undefined. While the brain operate in a negative function, the amount of knowledge gain is always negative as each day pass..

How about a computer engineer speaks? Here u goes.. 111101010101010101010101001010101010111001010101010100101111100101010101010010101001010101001010101010101010100101010101010010101010101010101010010101010101010010111111000100001101001101010101001001010100000000011011011111010010101010111100101010100010101. Dun understand? Dun worry about it.. Its all in binary number and its means 'my name is adrian and its nice to meet u.. and when u add all the 1 and 0 together, u will still get 10 as a result. haha..

Anyway.. now my blog finally got a constant fan(karine), so i shall blog nicely tmr.. whaha..

4M ---> Maths Makes Me Maths!

Old Memories

2007-09-05T07:55:00.001-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone again..

Today is 5th Sept Cloudy. Really nth much to talk abt in sch except some chatting with Daniel. Told him about my past and everything.. I was shocked by his reaction and he is still a Little boy (no relationship experience). Thats why he is shocked by my experience.Other than that nth much to blog about.

Came back home and had a MSN chat with karine.. She is worried she is leading me on and stuff but unfortunately i wasnt led on YET.. Haha.. Then i rem both of us took a video of 'taking a lift' which is on my blog.. Make me think of the past enjoyable days in my poly days.. Especially the days with jeck sees.. And so coincidentally she called me few days ago and we chat about the past.. Surprisingly, we can talk nicely to each other unlike the past where we use to quarrel until blood vessel burst. We no longer quarrel over silly stuff and talk about our silly actions in the past..

After 3 years of seperation, only we can chat nicely and talk about the past.. 3 years!! Then what abt wh? I wonder how long does it need to take to able to talk like this? 5 years or 10 years or even eternalty perhaps? well.. to think abt it.. even if we are able to chat nicely after some time, it can only be part of my memory.. A more unforgettable memory compared to jeck sees. Even so, Memory are eventually still a memory. A great philosopher once said, 'You will not able to Move forward if u keep looking backward!' and the great philosopher is Me!! Haha

Lost

2007-09-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone...

Today is 4th Sept 07 Cloudy and drizzling..

Went to go sch as usual but its like wasting my time over there cos i dun understand a single thing the lecturer said.. Its abt particle physic.. Boring + Uncomprehensive + Dry + Undigestive and etc.After that went to the library to do my physic online quiz.the server hang when i was abt to attempt my first qn.To my horror,i couldnt log in anymore after the server recover.Its becos once u log out, u cant log in anymore.. I asked for an appeal but whether i'm given a second try is purely up to them.. Well.. If not, i will get a Big Fat ZERO for my very first quiz..

Btw, Yesterday i done something special for karine.. She requested it and i fulfil her requests.. Haha. Dun think wrongly.. anyway, its a secret between us.. Feel so sweet.. On the other hand, i feel like i'm the other couple 3rd party.. Felt EXTREME GUILTY. Yes.. i admit i do have feeling for her but i will NOT be a 3rd party becos
1) I noe the feeling of being cheated and i dun want other to suffer like me
2) Its morally wrong to be others 3rd party
3) I dun wan to be a Chee Hong
4) I dun wish history to repeat itself
5) I cant commit myself to another relationship YET

Well, I still dreamt of her last night which i got no idea. dreamt of seeing her with him together and was behaving VERY intimately, eg.holding hands, hugging & kissing. I walked up to them and ask her y she lied to me but she dun dare to face me and cried..Then i said something real bad and walk off.
This is the nightmare i had last night. so ya..

Anyway, its getting late.. i have to wake up tmr morning.

Guilty, Emotional, Confused...

Lunch..

2007-09-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is 3rd of sept.. start of second week of sch.. nth much to blog actually except of the lunch with these 2 exceptional ladies who is elaine and cristina.. Well, both of them are from my orientation group. Elaine is from business and marketing while cristina is from accounting side.. Talk abt all kind of stuff but i shouldnt have talk abt my NS days.. i noe it will freeze bored them out.. Sms elaine in the evening but with no reply.. think i really bored the shit out of her.. DAmn...

Other than that, Esther cut her hands.. A deep cut on her right palm.. Scare the shit of my mum.. as usual she is so paranoid to scream abt.. so i brought esther to the clinic to have her hand sitched.. My mum only manage to calm down after she see esther came out with her hands bandage.. to think my mum's action in the clinic is really embassrassing.. jumping and walking around like jumping beans.. well.. thats my mum!!

Boring, Unromantic, Stubborn person..

Time Wastage

2007-09-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone..

Totally wasting my weekends away doing nth.. Damn.. Couldnt concentrate on my studies.. my Mind keep wandering off during weekend.. Keep staring into the blank space doing nth.. Y is this so? Is it becos of yesterday night? or is it becos of her? I dunno.. I only noe i must not think of her again or i'll die faster than schdeuled!! I cant let myself slack onwards.. U must Focus!

Focus, Focus and Focus!

Long Night

2007-09-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone..

Today is 2nd Sept, 4.22am.. Just came back from supper alone. Went to nearby 7-11 to get some food then instead of heading home, i went driving around instead. Surprisingly i ended up in East coast park.

The place hasn't change abit and the people had change. Well, went to the place i park my bike and sat on the stone bench that we sat on that day. It has been 1+ year since that accident.. i visited Lamp post 154 beside the hump and stare blankly on the road, it bring back alot of memories of the past.. i can rem every details so clearly just like it happened yesterday.. the place and position that i was lying and the place pp was lying too.. Its like it happening again in front of me.. i rem i was so helpless when i see her lying on the floor.. couldnt help myself at that period of time..

In the hospital, i was holding her hands so tightly i wouldnt want to let go.. First person i think of after i regain my consience is her, first person i want to see is oso her.. the only person i tot of when i'm in the hospital is oso her.. Still rem doing my physio and go back to see Dr Toh is oso with her.. Think Dr Toh and Gurdeep would be surprised that we had broken up.. ha..

During my MC period at home, she had visited me almost everyday.. and brought me so much food for me to eat.. After awhile, when my leg almost recovered, i bought her a jigsaw for her 21st birthday but end up i complete it after we broke up. Learn driving becos i want to send her home or fetch her whenever we could.

Hai.. the past is the past.. Think i will never go back to ECP again alone becos it will trigger the pain within..

Memories-FILLed, Pysical & Mental Torture!

summary

2007-08-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone...

Today is the last day of Aug.. and since its a fri so let me do a summary of what happen in aug..

First of all, beginning of aug is horrible.. totally feeling extremely horrible because she finally left me for kai leong. well.. at the beginning it hurts (though now still abit), totally lost hope in everything, like the whole world came crashing down for me.. 世界末日

After some time, i realise no one in this world will come and pity u or even help u when things happen because everyone doesnt want to get themselves into trouble. Thus, the only way to save yourself is to protect yourself before u are being harmed. heard of this phase, 'Fail to Prepare, prepare to fail!' ? Well, it should be understood by all..i hope everyone should follow me--> put on an 'invisible' armour everyday to guard against anyone who is a threat to me. I will eliminate them before they can do any harm to me.. this is oso the way to climb up the corporate ladder in the future.不择手段

Next is my school terms.. it had been a week since my school starts.. my schedule already packed up to week 6. Can u see how hectic is the uni life? I'm fortunate to say i have recover abt 90% before my sch starts.. Becos of her, i've changed.. probably to the more extreme of myself.. every thinking of mine is very extreme! I'm going to show the whole world she will regret leaving me in the past. Right now, i will probably concentrate on my studies.. However, if there is a suitable girl i.e elaine, then i might consider to balance the risk ba.. but have to see if she is suitable and see if she is just another w.h anot.. then i decide to make the move anot..戴眼视人

well.. theres abt all for aug.. nth much to blog le..

Duty, HONOURS, Study

Tired

2007-08-30T03:19:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is the 30/08/07 Rainy day though..
Its a tiring day not becos of the long lesson but the travelling journey that is tiring.. Went to Delta campus in the morning and within an hour after my lesson, have to rush to Henderson campus to have my afternoon lesson.. Damn! Should have taken a cab down instead of taking a bus.. Its so near yet so far.. ha..

This morning i was having my maths lesson and i sit and quietly listen. I wondered y didnt i listen quietly during my poly days? If i did, i wouldnt have end up in PSB right now.. Well.. What happen in the past has already happened so no point look back at it.. so yar. Learnt my mistake and nv repeat them again!

Tired, Tight-schedule and Tried my best...

Stronger

2007-08-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone and anyone..

Today is 29/08/08.. today lecture is not that bad.. its abt project management.. haha.. easy module i believe.. well.. nth to blog abt.. Raining day though..

I dunno how would i be if i'm still in a relationship her her..Perhaps i'm still slacking in class cos everything remain as it is. i think its becos of her, i've changed towards the hardworking side of me though i still slack around sometimes.. i cant believe i will do my own tutorial and stuff.. perhaps i want to show everyone that i can do it, i can still get my degree, i can still get my degree without her, i can do still very well without her help and i earn very much more than him.. i want to show everyone she had made the wrong choice before!! ha.. 1st class honours--> here i come!!

Stronger, smarter and sour

korean romance

2007-08-29T04:08:00.001-07:00

Watch! Dun ask Qn!

Foolish me

2007-08-28T06:17:00.001-07:00

ACtually its still hurts me alot.. To think he can gain acess to view my profile and i have to go thru all the trouble just to see his face.. is it worth it? ha.. i often wonder am i the intruder instead? well.. i shouldnt think abt it.. think its time to remove everything from my room.. thing have change.. she is not going to appear in my room again.. Adrian yang, u jolly well forget abt her!!

cosmology

2007-08-28T03:53:00.000-07:00

hi everyone or anyone..

2nd day of school and i attended a 4 hour lecture and tutorial straight of a module that i believe no one in my circle of friends have ever took.. Cosmology!!

Its about Space and universe blah blah blah.. You will ask me what is cosmology got to do with Electrical enginneering? I can tell u i dunno! haha.. then i learn something interesting.. If anyone has a telescope, he can look into the past.. Believe it or not? Come and ask me personally and i'll tell u how..

Other than that.. i dun understand a single shit the lecturer is talking abt and i almost fought with the ZZz monster again.. This is the first time that i cant even do a single qn in the tutorials.. haha.. Fret not, this is the first chapter of my physic lesson.. subsequently, there wun be anymore of cosmology.. Thanks Heaven! haha..

Cosmological, comedical and "co-lian"

A Brand New Start

2007-08-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Today is 27th Aug 2007.. A brand new start for me!! New School, New environment, new friends and new LIFE.. Haha.. First day of sch is a challenge for me as i had not touch any books for the past 2.5 years.. ORD back to studies.. Ha.. First lesson is my achillies heel---> Maths.

3 hours of maths lesson and 3 topic covered so average 1 hour per topic.. Cool huh?
Next was my Computer enginneering.. Goodness.. can u believe it that i do understand what the heck that lecturer is talking esp when she say 1+1=10? haha..

Most impt thing is i realise i did not even think of her for a single second till sch is over.. Guess i have really put this relationship back of my head le.. Congratuation adrian!!

Well, i have to stop here le.. need to rush my maths out..

Busy, Calculative and Hand-tied!!

supper..

2007-08-26T01:27:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone..

Last night i went to ala-meen to had supper with some friends. Before i went out, i'm thinking of her again.. I think its a kind of used to it, wherever i go, i will inform her. I ask if she wanted anything for supper though i noe she will give me a negative ans and i was right.. I noe she rejects my intention of buying her supper is not becos she is really full, its becos she doesnt wasnt to trouble me thats all..

Thoughout the supper, though i didnt show it to my friends, i was hoping she might call or sms me to say she is hungry.. I will definitly rush down to get her the supper she needed.. This might be the least thing that i could do for her. I noe i cant make her love me again but i hope i can still take care of her. Ironically i wanted to take care of her but all out of sudden, i doesnt noe where to start. My situation is just like whats mention in this song, 'careless whisper' , i wasted my chance that i was given.

Low self esteem and blinded by her..

Alone..

2007-08-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone or anyone again..

Today is a lonely day.. Had a flu or a cold.. i cant differentiate. then went for a swim downstairs and End up it rains slightly but it does not differ my mood to swim. I notice something.. When u look up from the bottom of the pool when its raining, its perfectly beautiful and no one is there to admire the view with me.. i intend to go suana after the swim but i realise the gents suana is locked so gave up the idea..
Litle did i realise my illness got worse after walking under the rain..

In the pool, i was thinking abt her again.. and i force myself to think other thing instead. haha.. Finally i came up with these conclusion, I Shall Not Shed A Tear For Any Woman Again! I Shall Be The One That Breaks Other Woman's Heart Instead, Not The Other Way Round! Understood Adrian?

Relief and Refreshed..

Disappointment

2007-08-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

hi everyone and anyone out there..

Its a great disappointment for this relationship to end like this. I often wondered is our problem so serious that we must break up as a solution to solve the problem? She complain that i always nv listen to her, nv console her when she is sad, i always blew my top easily and i need to be pacified when angry. Think abt it.. Are those problems really a problem? I mean are those problems cant be solved? Is it so serious? I told her i could change for her sake but she insist i'll be the same. Am i given a chance to prove her wrong? Maybe yes.. i didnt grab the chance before but that doesnt mean i dun cherish my chance! She insist she is scare that i will go back to the same way and i keep bringing kai leong up to quarrel when we are together. Unless she has the power to forsee the future or i really dunno how she knows the future. Maybe she thinks she noe me well enough to make the guess but things that she doesnt noe is i had changed alot after this incident. I still dunno whats holding her back?

Next, she mention abt our family problem.. She ask if i were willing to move out from my parents when i marry her.. Before i ans, she slap me with a "no rite?". Again, unless she is a worm in my body, i really dunno how she noe how i feel. Again, maybe is because she thinks she knows me long enuff to understand me. My parent is 50+ already.. is it my parents who is going to walk the rest of the road with me or is she the one? I do have my own responsiblity to take care of them.. what if i ask the same qn to her? Is she going to abandon her parents too?

When i care for her, she claim that i'm trying to make her guilty. When i ask her to take a closer look at kai leong before she makes any decision, she turn and ask me if they are together. When i use the same words that she always use on me, she gets angry with me for very sacastic. Whenever i feel sad and tears rolling out, she gets irratated.. When i care for her, it ended up in the drain.

O Heaven!! Pls tell me if i'm very wrong to woo her back?? Am i wrong to love her? or issit because i love her the wrong way?? Pls tell me that i am very wrong!!
O Heaven!! Pls tell me what to do..

Disoritentated, lost and painful

Tears

2007-08-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

hi everyone or anyone..

I noe it is stupid fot me to blog so early in the day but who can understand the pain when u cried in your own dreams? Who can understand the pain of waking up in the middle of the night just to cry? Who can understand my pain to call her hua jie once again when i still love her? U may ask me what did i dreamt of last night that made drop my tears again.. Ironically i dun rem.. or i should say i doesnt want to rem becos it really break my heart. I slept around 3am last night but woke up from my dreams at 5.. I wonder how much more can i hold myself? I can only run.. Run away from reality. This is the only way out for me. Things are not the same as before. i hope i still have enough strength to pull myself thru another 3 years.

Disortientated & numb with little pain

Foolish

2007-08-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

lets hope she dun read my blog. i tried my best to fool everyone including her.. I can still maintain my dignity if i acted i have recovered. how can i love another person again.. foolish me

Pain

2007-08-23T07:34:00.000-07:00

hi everyone or anyone..

2nd day of my blog.. quite boring issnt it? went to school today to get my 3 textbooks. Each of them is as thick as wan hua's organic chemistry textbook and i'm carrying the 3 of them back home. At first, it was very heavy but on the mrt, my mind start wandering off and before i realise, i reached jurong east.

after that went to bought a new laptop. walk around the shop and felt so helpless and lost.. needed someone to give me advice but she isnt there for me anymore. Then i realise i have to be independent. For the first time in my life, i went to ask the salesgirl for help. Funny.. its such a simple task and yet i always ask her to do it.
shame on u adrian!! Choosing a laptop isnt simple task as well but in the end i chose the same laptop as hers. I still can rem the scene when we were choosing the laptop together. now the scene can only appear in my brain now.. it Hurts!

How i wish there would be a time machine that i can reverse the time. not to the time when the saga started, i want to reverse back to the time when we both just started. Though its back to my army days but i'm willing to do it. Too bad i cant. so i can only suffer it myself. My fate has been sealed. Not by destiny, its by myself. I will no longer able to love another person completely. This is my destiny. This is my road.
I will never forget you pp.

2007-08-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

hi everyone or anyone.. if there is..

i oso dunno y i start blogging? maybe i need to trash everything out to someone and that someone is best, to a computer. its been a month since i broke up with a girl whom i really love. she has been with me since i was a coporal till i ord. After i ord, thing starts to change and its changing so quickly that i dun even noe whats happen..

All these while i've been with her throughout every single moment. Be it happy or sad moment. Maybe we have reached the so-called "boring period" and someone came into the picture. of cos when we just started, we were just as happy. That is our honeymood period.

we have been lecture mate for 3 yrs... in the cca for 3yrs in NP... nv did i thought that 1 day we will end up together..and we both hope that our wish to marry each other will come true.. and i am sure both of us will try our very best to make things work out back then...we both agreed that we didnt regret our decision being wif each other.. and we r the oni 1 in each other heart.. no other pple...

Currently, things have changed. She no longer feel this way. or perhaps she feels this towards him. i have tried my best to salvage the relationship but apparently i seems to use the wrong method evertime instead. i think i can explain that.. LOVE MAKES ONE CRAZY. The more i do, the more mistake i commit.

Things had happen to a state that there is no more U-turn point. Though i feel a million of unwilling, i still have to stand down here and give her my blessing.. i will feel the pain everytime i give her my blessing. guess i'm still not ready to let her go but i will force myself to do so.

22nd Aug 2007